has it been 2 years? Holy cow. I cannot believe it. But it has. well, almost 2 years. I am not going to correct my inaccuracies with spelling and capitalization. Sorry, I don't feel like it. And if you don't like it..then leave.
I'm writing again because I need to. I need to vent and physically writing just seems impossible.
I'm tired of the stupid crap that has been going on. I'm tired of paying bills and being in this stupid financial hole. I'm tired of having so many things to do and no time. I'm tired of figuring out my schedule and working all day, and not seeing my husband till late at night. We have flipped schedules to save money on childcare now that we have a baby #2. Ugh. I'm blessed, i really am, I love my kids, but they are so freaking expensive. Not them, but the cost to provide for them. I don't see my husband because he works at nights and by the time he gets home we put the kids to bed and when they're done and crashed in bed, I'm following in suit about 15 minutes later. and forget about the weekends, that's when he's working too. I'm over it. I'd love to say screw it and just have the kids (well the one that's in part time) in full time so we can have family time again. We will see. I'll re-do some magic and see where our budget lies.
Onto my rant. I'm so fucking tired of this baby momma bull shit. I really would LOVE freaking LOVE to drive down to that asshole's house and have a conversation with her. I know that would never work out. She's not civil and doesn't seem smart enough to handle a serious conversation. I'd love to put her in check and have her realize what a stupid asshole she is and realize what she is doing. I dont' understand why people don't think before they speak or after they speak. Its the same old shit. She constantly says the same things over and over.
I read an article recently--I it made me think about my problems earlier in my relationship before marriage with my husband. i was always questioning it--should I stay, should I go? And I stayed. I didn't settle, I chose. I chose to stay with the man because I know we had a great relationship together. We get along great, we speak to each other and conversate well. We have so much fun. but I always knew there was something lurking in the back of my mind.
I always threw fits when I knew his daughter would come. I had such a hard time with it. I thought after child #1 that would change. It didn't. After child #2, I'm over it. I'm in love with our family and no longer get anxiety over her coming. i enjoy it. I take it as a chance to connect with her and be a good role model. She looks up to me, wants to be just like me, and I'm finally embracing that. That being said, it took a long time for me to get to this point and I know thats why i acted out before deciding to stay with my husband. I knew the drama with the baby's mom. I know the pain in the ass it brings and the baggage and the headache. And here it is, rearing its ugly fucking head once again. Its a pain in the ass financially and its a pain in the ass to hear my husband tell me that she's once again verbally/text abused him and I'm so over it. I'm over it. I just want her to realize how good she has it. now all of us can admit to the fact that we take for granted some good things in our lives and need a wake up call. I want to be the one to bitch slap her w/ the wake up call.
I have to hear the crap my sister goes through and I feel for her. I do. Not for the child support issue, but for the fact that her baby's dad constantly wins for being an asshole. That's my take on the world these days--the more you're an ass--the more you win and get in life. I'm so over that too. I want being honest and sincere to win out. I want the fact that I"m doing the right thing to work out in my life. So far..no luck.
