HEY

Let me just say I hate life today. I hate everything. I want nothing more than to go drink. and i can't. I want to get plastered, cry, dance---something. Is that an escape from reality? It sure is. And I miss being able to escape. I would escape in a run, I'd escape in a bottle of wine, or a night out. But, now, my escape---well, there is none. this sober shit and not being able to physically wear myself down just stinks.

I tried walking today, only to give myself the worst cramp ever to where I felt like maybe--just maybe I had kickstarted some contractions or labor. But here I sit 2 hours later with nothing. The cramp has gone, and no more have come on. I'm just as miserable now as I was then. and drinking/running does the same thing, I mean, it doesn't just go away, but the rush and feeling great is so much more of a rush than that stupid cramp i got.

Anyway. My birthday was ok. KS got me 2 pocket books from Aero, they're really cute and simple. And I got a gift card for a new pair of shoes and itunes. yaaay. Christmas was nice too. I got a lot of great things. I still wasn't in the christmas spirit at all. I dont think I'm in any spirit right now other than miserable. Ok. I've vented. I mean, I realy didn't vent about anything in particular, which is ok I dont wanna bore you with that crap...but I've cursed and written. Which makes me feel better. Not as good as wine, or a good sweaty run, but hey, you're all I got right now.

ok. so thats my update.